I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
