In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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