Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
