Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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