yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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