the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
