i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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