plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
