My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
