you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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