when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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