So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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