Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
