There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Randomize
