I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
