How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
