Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
