I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
