My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
