I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize