U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
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