God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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