Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
