absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
