i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
