cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
