It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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