she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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