508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
