their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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