He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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