I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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