Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
