Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
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