you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
