he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
