I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
