just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
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I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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