nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
