areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
