Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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