As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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