okay pat passed out under dana's car
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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