so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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