What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
