Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
