Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
