After last night, I could never be a politician.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
