The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
