Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
