Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
