So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
