so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
