i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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