i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
i think we sleep fucked last night...
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
