fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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