yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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