i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
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I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
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You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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