I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
