everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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