You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
