Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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